


Peppermint Hippo

by areeskimosreal



Category: Peter Kay's Car Share (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27648875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areeskimosreal/pseuds/areeskimosreal
Summary: Kayleigh as usual gets the wrong idea when John tells her what he wants for Christmas.
Relationships: Kayleigh Kitson & John Redmond
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	Peppermint Hippo

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little Christmas themed funfic.

John and Kayleigh had slipped away from the work Christmas party and had headed to his, Kayleigh had only had a few, John as usual had abstained. They had had a monumental snog in the car and were carrying on with it in his hall.

" Want a drink love ?"

" No thank you Johnathan "

" Cuppa ?"

" Nope " she stood grinning .

" Bit of supper " 

" No " 

" What do you fancy then ?"

" Thought you'd never ask, c'mon Redmond get yourself upstairs "

" But miss Kitson, will you still respect me in the morning ?" John fluttered his eyelashes and pretended to act coy .

" If you're not up in five minutes I'll start without you " Kayleigh winked and headed upstairs.

" What do you mean ?"

" Move it Johnathan " she giggled. John ran upstairs after her.

She had stripped John, and pushed him onto his back, this was one of his Christmas treats, she had gotten naked, except for her Santa hat and a long length of tinsel draped around her neck and hanging down covering " the girls ", her going cowgirl was as far as John was concerned a treat ,but it also suited Kayleigh, as not only could she control the rhythm, she didn't have nigh on fifteen stone crushing her when he shifted his weight.

John went to speak, Kayleigh stopped him.

" If you say yee ha like you did last time, it will be your last time John "

" Okay " John grinned.

" Or ride 'em cowboy, or any other horsey bollocks " 

Kayleigh was leaning forwards, her fingers entwined with his, his being pressed into the pillow either side of his head.

" How about I love you Kayleigh?"

" That my darling is more than acceptable "

" God I love you so much "

Kayleigh leant down and teased him with a soft kiss.

" Tease " John whispered.

" Guilty as charged " she replied.

" What do you want for Christmas John, and don't say Kermit "

" Kermit ?"

" Yes that old joke where the woman asks the man what he wants for Christmas and he asks for Kermit "

" That isn't the joke love "

" Isn't it ?" 

" No "

" Oh well, what would you like ?" Kayleigh leaned back, John sighed contentedly.

As John was thinking, Kayleigh increase the tempo ,

" I'd like to go to Lapland "

Kayleigh abruptly stopped. 

" What ?"

" I'd like to pay a visit to Lapland, I know it's not the type of thing you expect to hear from your boyfriend, but that's what I'd like to do "

" Lapland really ?"

" Not on my own though, I'd want you to go too "

" Me ?" 

John was looking at the tinsel and the santa hat, 

" You'd fit in nice, that sort of thing is exactly what they like " 

" Am I not enough for you ?"

" What ?"

" You're sick do you know that ?"

Kayleigh dismounted and started getting dressed, 

" What are you doing, we're not finished ?"

" Yes we are "

" Oh come on love "

" I'm going home"

" Why ?"

" Because you're an ungrateful, sick, sex maniac that's why "

"I don't……"

" I've no charge in my phone, will you phone me a taxi ?"

" No, I'll take you home "

" No I'd…….."

" It's not negotiable, I'm taking you "

They never spoke on the journey to Mandy's, well Kayleigh never, John did but was ignored, at one point John saw her twisting her engagement ring around her finger, but mercifully she never took it off.

At Mandy's she did say goodnight as she got out of the car but that was it. She stormed off up the path.

John shook his head and drove off.

" I thought you were letting John open his Christmas box tonight, I didn't expect you home "

" He is sex mad Mandy, I was ri……….., well never mind what I was doing, and he said he wanted to go to a strip club for Christmas "

Mandy burst out laughing,

" Thanks for the support " 

" He didn't say that ,........did he, ?"

" I asked what he wanted for Christmas and he wants to go to one of those places the girls dance in their skimpy pants"

" A gentleman's club " Steve said as he entered the kitchen.

" A perverts paradise more like " Mandy added.

" What's it called , the famous one ?" Steve pondered.

" Peppermint hippo " Kayleigh said knowingly.

" Spearmint Rhino , you bloody nutter, bloody Peppermint hippo indeed "

So, let me get this right , get it clear in my head like, John asked if he ……..?"

" We "

" We ?" 

" Aye Steve, we, he thinks I'd fit in there, he wants me to go too "

Steve shook his head.

" So " he continued " he said I want to go to Spearmint Rhino?"

" No, he didn't ask for that one "

" Well what one did he ask to go to ?" Mandy asked exasperated. 

" Lapland " 

There was a slight lull in the conversation, suddenly Steve fell to his knees laughing hysterically, pounding the floor with his fists,

" Lapland, god almighty, bloody Lapland" he was heard saying.

Kayleigh stared at Mandy, she was biting her top lip, and was almost managing to stifle a laugh, Kayleigh could see her shoulders shaking. 

" I don't think it's funny "

" Chloe " Steve shouted " Chloe "

Steve was standing wiping his eyes, every time he looked at Kayleigh he would chuckle.

" What is it dad ?"

" Tell auntie Kayleigh where the seniors school trip is this year "

" It's Lapland auntie Kayleigh , they're going to see Santa "

" In Lapland?" Kayleigh asked her niece. 

" Yes they fly to Finland and then travel north is it dad ?"

" Aye " Steve answered his daughter. 

" Travel north to Lapland…….."

" So Lapland is a country, not a strip club ?"

" A what auntie Kayleigh ?"

" Never you mind Chloe love " Mandy said " you can go now " 

" Okay " Chloe skipped out of the kitchen.

" Oops " Kayleigh said.

" Oops indeed, will I get my car keys ?" Mandy stood smiling.

" Aye , but do you still have that Missus Clause outfit"

" It's upstairs, yes " 

" Can I……?

" Go on then " 

Kayleigh giggled and ran up the stairs.

An hour after she left Kayleigh was back at John's.

"What on earth are you doing ?" Mandy asked as her sister wriggled about in the passenger seat.

" Taking my knickers off " 

" Why, ? no don't answer that, I'm sure I know why "

" It's a little treat for him, I'll do the Sharon Stone thingy when we're having a cuppa"

" I taught you well grasshopper "

" Use what your mama gave you" Kayleigh smiled.

" He'll find it funny won't he ?"

" So bloody Kayleigh that " Kayleigh said, imitating John's deep voice.

" Good luck babe " 

" Thanks Mandy " 

Mandy chuckled as she watched her sister walk up the drive, the short Santa outfit only just covering her " essentials" and being held down against the wind. 

" Sorry John I got the wrong end of the stick "

" So I'm not in the bad books then ?"

" No, so can I come in ?"

" Hmm" John stroked his chin and pretended to think.

" Really ?"

" Get your tidy little arse in here you bloody lunatic" John ushered her in.

" Tea ?"

" Cider "

" Take a seat love , I'll be right back " John made as if to walk to the kitchen.

" I don't think so Johnathan, not just yet "

Kayleigh grabbed his arm as he passed and pushed him against the wall, then attempted to kiss his face off, she knew that was impossible, but hey, she was a tryer. John grabbed her buttocks as they kissed, his hand eventually slipped under her santa dress, 

" She couldn't be , could she ?" he thought to himself.

" I'll get that drink " he eventually said .

" Okay darling "

John watched her wiggle towards his front room.

He came back to find her sitting in the chair opposite his, he couldn't remember her ever having sat there before, she always sat on the sofa. He put her drink down to her.

" Thank you " 

" So ?"

" I'm an idiot John"

" No you're not, short tempered, perhaps but most definitely not an idiot "

" I thought Lapland was a strip club "

" Oh " John said deadpan.

Kayleigh sat straight faced staring at him, John was trying his hardest not to react, and he was managing.

" You know, like Toy Land, or Lego Land , or even Poundland."

" Did you really ?, okay then "

" Only " Kayleigh knew she was close to getting him to crack .

" I thought it was full of Lap dancers "

The sweat was forming on John's forehead, he was going red with the strain of not laughing .

" I thought you wanted to take me to a lap dancing club because I was ……….."

John threw his head back and roared with laughter, he glanced at Kayleigh expecting her to be annoyed, she was smiling at him laughing.

" Oh, sorry love, sometimes you are so wise, and other times , my god God ,that's a good one "

" That's why I was angry, I thought that I wasn't sexy enough for you, you know,I didn't do it for you, that you wanted more, that sort of thing " 

" Jesus Kayleigh, you do it for me every time babe, every single time, I don't want or need anyone else, I'm struggling with the one I've got , more would kill me"

" I'm sorry John " 

" Forget it , but like I've said before, tell me what's pissed you off, don't just storm out without explanation " 

" Okay, I promise " 

Kayleigh leaned forward to pick up her drink, John smiled at her, when she sat back and crossed her legs, he grinned.

" What you grinning at ?"

" Nothing " 

" Sure ?"

" Yes "

" Am I missing something Redmond ?" she said grinning.

" Oh you little minx, you little Jezebel "

" What ?" 

" You know fine well what ?"

" Do I ?"

" Oh yes you bloody well do lady, you know fine well what you're missing In all "

" Not sure I do John " and again she slowly crossed her legs.

" Jesus, what are you doing to me woman ?"

Kayleigh got up.

" Go sit on the sofa John "

John did as he was told.

" No, sit in the middle "

John sat with a huge grin on his face .

" Do you remember what we were doing earlier John ?"

" Vaguely "

Kayleigh pulled the santa dress over her head.

" Does this help "

" I'm beginning to remember a little " He said smiling.

A giggling Kayleigh straddled John and pressed her forehead against his,

" And now John ?"

" It's coming back to me now, want to go upstairs and finish what we started ?"

" No "

" No ?"

" No" she said, reaching down to gently caress him," I'm quite happy here, are you ?"

" Most definitely "

" Johnathan " she said, nibbling his ear .

" What love ?"

" How does the Miss Piggy joke go again, I forgot ?"

His laughing caused her to start giggling, and that, as far as they were concerned summed up their relationship. They would always find something to laugh about.


End file.
